Memories (Tam)

[MARIA ISABELLA VALKIRIA]

It was late.

Or was it early?

She had stopped counting the minutes of each hour some time ago, so absorbed in her memories of a life long lost. An anniversary she had tried to push out of her mind but never able to keep from remembering each year. Death had not allowed her peace from the one memory she wished could remain buried under all others. The death of her lover had been the beginning of the end for her. The beginning of a life damned to spend an eternity walking this earth alone and forever in agony of knowing that she could have chosen death.

Stumbling, Maria tripped over a root, nearly dropping the bottle she held in her hand as she did so. Her vampire grace had long since abandoned her after the fourth or fifth bottle of firewhisky and it was with a small gasp of surprise that she threw an arm around a tree, swinging herself around it slightly in an effort to keep herself upright before giggling slightly. Although it soon turned to a small sob and the hand holding the bottle was raised once more, the glass neck touching her lips before allowing the liquid to pour down her throat.

Drunk was perhaps too tame a term to use right now. She had drunk so much she could barely move two steps forward without losing one backwards and it was with slightly unfocused, blackest night eyes she took in the forest around her. There had been no forest in Venice. She had lived in the city itself! Had loved in the city and ultimately lost her human life there as well. Placing her back against the tree she allowed her body to drop down, the now empty bottle in her hand tossed to the side so she could run her hands through a tangled mess of blonde hair as new sobs forced their way up, escaping before she could stop them.

Oh Antonio. Her handsome thief. Why had he been taken from her like this? One hand moved from her head, passing over her face until it eventually came to rest on her flat stomach. He had never known about the child. Their child. An agonized wail of pain erupted from her mouth and her eyes closed tightly to try and block out the visions that swirled before her, corrupting what was present to memories of the past. In her mind the Dark Forest was gone, instead she was back home...back in the time when her life had been ripped from her before her death had even gotten the chance to creep up on her.

Unfocused eyes snapped open as the memory grew to much for her and a small whimper now came forth as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Il mio amore Antonio," Her arm wrapped around her stomach tighter, wrinkling the top she wore, "La mia vita è finita con te." How could she continue without him? Her existence meant nothing without him by her side. Nothing! She would give anything to have him beside her just once more. To touch him. To feel him. To tell him over and over again how much she loved him for he would always hold her heart for an eternity and more. Ghosts existed in this world so why had he never come to her? Did he not know her soul was shattered into a million pieces? Her heart broken even more?

"Il mio cuore, torna da me." She begged, her eyes seeing things that would never be there.


(Italian= 'My love Antonio, my life ended with you' and 'My heart, come back to me'

[THOMAS BELLAMY D'EATH]

Tam didn't think the night could get any duller. Hunting was mostly enjoyable, except for when the thrill of the chase was taken from him. Of course, hunting for human blood was far more preferable, but animals did put up a good fight, he had to give them that. Especially the ones in the forbidden forest. They, vampires, were not permitted to hunt on the castle grounds, or indeed inside the castle itself, but the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest went beyond the property of Hogwarts, encompassing the edges of Hogsmeade and the mountains beyond. This was where Tam spent his nights, once every three days, when the shadows beneath his eyes threatened to swallow his face whole, leaving him with no choice but to feed.

Tonight he had taken an elk, which hadn't touched his appetite in the slightest, so he had followed it up with a couple of wolves and a badger. The latter was an acquired taste, but you couldn't afford to be picky when you were committed to seven years at a magical school. Hours had passed since he had headed out of the castle, and it had to be either extremely late, or ridiculously early in the morning by now, so he headed back into the school boundaries, weaving stealthily through trees, not really needing to pay much attention to the path he took. Navigating the forest was second nature after six years. He knew every sound, every scent, every danger. Except for the sound that caught his sensitive hearing. Crying. A girl.

She was speaking in Italian, and as he moved closer, he recognized the tone of her voice, not needing to scent her to know it was Maria. She didn't sound like her normal self though, and hearing her sound to upset was beyond foreign to Tam. He was used to having her be uppity and cold toward him. A distraught Maria was an intriguing prospect. What could make such an ice queen cry like so? He veered to the left, making a course directly for her, and slowing as she came into view, sitting against a tree with an empty bottle of Firewhiskey tossed to one side. Inebriated, too. Tam felt like he had won the lottery. His face morphed into a mask of serene concern as he glided toward her from the trees, one arm reaching out to her, even though he was still feet away. "Maria," he whispered softly, drinking in her devastating appearance.

[MARIA ISABELLA VALKIRIA]

Had her sire not grown bored with sitting around with just Maria as a companion she would never have been allowed to get into such a state. The alcohol had only sped up the memory process and already that was burning off, leaving her far more sober than she would have liked but still, it was too late to stop the thoughts from coming to the front of her mind. This present was gone and she found herself stuck in a past she was so trying to forget. Every year was the same. This same day she would become so consumed with guilt and horror of what had happened that she forgot that it had happened so many years ago. Her sire had always made sure to be around, to try and keep her firmly rooted but alas he was not here and so she was long gone.

Unaware of most of her surroundings she allowed the tears to fall, believing herself to be in her room, locked from society. How could her papa do this to her? He had killed her love before her very eyes! She had been forced to lie about her situation and now she was sure a child grew within her. His child. A gasping sob wracked through her as she curled herself up into a ball, trying to protect herself from what was happening around her.

She did not even hear the approaching footsteps so consumed in her pain as she was and it was only when her name was called did it register that she was no longer alone. Had she still been as drunk as before she would have blamed her actions on the drink but it had burnt off and now all it was was a confused and pain riddled mind that led to what she was about to do. Tam was someone she would never have allowed near her to witness her in such a state but right now she did not see Thomas D'Eath. No. She saw a love long since dead, reaching out to her and calling her name.

In moments she was on her feet and before him although still several steps from actually touching him. Reaching out with her own hand she touched his with shaky fingers fearing that her own would go through this vision and when they did not she allowed herself to push forward just a little more until her hand was nearly flat against his, "Antonio," She breathed, "Il mio amore." He was here. Right here. She could touch him! She had prayed to a God she had long since given up in believing in to have just one chance to see him again and here he was...Her Antonio. Her thief. He had stolen her heart and still held it clutched in his fingers even after all this time. No other could ever come close to her heart like he had. "Ho pregato Dio vorrei rivederti, ma non pensava che avrebbe risposto la preghiera del diavolo."

(Italian - 'I prayed to God I would see you again but I did not think he would answer the prayer of the devil')

[THOMAS BELLAMY D'EATH]

Upon hearing her name, she looked to him, but it was as though she looked right through him, seeing something other than him. It suited him fine. He would play along. Maybe it was a game, maybe she was testing him, toying with him. It wouldn't be the first time she had attempted to play in her own fashion, though Tam was used to being the one to start the games. Or the real ones, at least, the ones that took things to such an extreme as this. Was she playing him at his own game, or was this real? Had his luck came in and delivered something so delicious he couldn't have wished for better? It seemed so, but he dared not believe it fully, even as she rose to her feet and stopped before him, hand lifting to touch her fingertips to his.

Tam froze, letting her do what she would. Letting her move closer as she seemed relieved to find that he was tangible. He pressed his hand to hers, returning every gesture she made, and showing no surprise as she called him Antonio, and rushed into more Italian. Tam had lived long enough to learn many languages, so he nodded along to her words, eyes studying her anguished face as he held on to her hand and pulled her in to his arms. Who was this Antonio? Was this one if the things she hid from the world? One of the more human traits she liked to ignore? He would bet so, and so his response came confidently as he tended to her illusion.

"Dolce Maria," he murmured, holding her close and stroking her hair tenderly, fingers tangling in the mess she had made of it through the night. "Tu non sei un diavolo, ma un angelo al buio. Perché sei qui da sola?" Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Tam couldn't help but wonder what had brought on this deluded session. He had never seen anything like it before outside of a person being compelled, and Maria was not the type to be easily compelled by another vampire. She was old enough to take care of herself. Could this be real sorrow taking over her senses? In such a vulnerable state, she was likely to reveal.... almost anything. Mind racing to work out his best tactic for this game, Tam moved his hand to her chin, turning her face to his as he cupped her cheek gently, wiping away traces of tears. "Io sono qui ora."

(Translation: "Sweet Maria. You are no devil, but an angel the dark. Why are you here alone? I am here now.")

[MARIA ISABELLA VALKIRIA]

As he pulled her into his arms Maria lamented the fact that there was no warmth in the action. She missed the warmth that came with living and she wasn't so far gone to know that there would be none now. They were both dead -one more than the other- and that warmth would never be felt again. The thought was terrible. The guilt that came with it was almost overbearing. Never would things be the same...Everything that they were was long gone, leaving only the shells of the people they had once been.

His words caused new tears to roll down her cheeks, despite him wiping away what was already evident on her face. How could he call her an angel after everything that had happened? Did he not know that she had caused his death? She had been ripped from his arms only moments before her father had barked out the orders to end his life. Maria could still remember that day like it had happened only yesterday...Could remember the agony of watching the love of her life being taken away from her. He had always held her heart and with his death he had taken it with him.

His question about why she was alone bothered her. Always she was alone but for her memories. This afterlife had brought her nothing but sadness and pain and most nights she asked herself why she had allowed this curse to happen to her. She could have died that night and with her death she would have sunk into the oblivion of death, knowing nothing of the world around her and most importantly death would have brought her back to her beloved's arms. "I have missed you," She switched back to English automatically, not even noticing the change. So many years had passed since she had needed to speak her mother tongue that it was second nature to speak English these days, especially since she had spent a good portion of the last century in English speaking countries.

"I have been alone for such a long time," She pulled back slightly, raising her hand to lightly press against his face, "You took my heart the day you died."

[THOMAS BELLAMY D'EATH]

She was so distressed it was hard to think clearly, which wouldn't help Tam find out anything to his advantage. If he was going to stand there being confused then he might as well leave her there and go back to the castle. Sure, he could play the part of whoever the hell she thought he was just then, but it didn't mean he understood what was going on. Tam hated not knowing what was going on. He stroked her hair gently, trying to soothe her as she confessed to missing him, and that she had been alone for a long time. Well, no kidding. Hadn't they both! It was all part of being vampire, darlin', and if she didn't like it she should just stake herself right there on the spot and do everyone a favour.

That was what he wanted to say, on instinct, but he held his tongue and allowed her to place a hand upon his face, instead. Taking her hand in his, he led her back to the tree she had sat beneath, and pulled her down to the forest floor with him, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Here, sit with me for a while," he instructed, tossing the Firewhiskey bottle further out of the way to make room for them both on the leaf strewn ground. It was slightly damp, but Tam didn't mind. He had too big an opportunity sitting in his hands to be bothered by damp leaves ruining his clothes. His gaze stayed intensely on Maria's face.

"You're not alone, Maria," he told her in soothing tones. "I'm here with you, always." He had to think carefully about his next choice of words. What could he say to make her reveal something, anything, that would help him understand what was happening? "What event could make you hurt for me so much? I passed on, went to a better place, you should be happy for me, not sad." Was he guessing in the right direction? This Antonio guy was obviously long dead, so he hoped what he was saying made some sort of sense to her distorted world. If he said the wrong thing and snapped her out of it, he'd never know anything. It was like feeling around in the dark, trying to find an object, but nobody had told you what you were looking for! Whatever secrets she held to keep her encased in ice, they had better be worth his efforts.

[MARIA ISABELLA VALKIRIA]

He led them towards the tree she had been sat against only minutes earlier and she allowed him to pull her down to the ground until she was sat next to him, her hand never leaving his, refusing to lose contact even if only for a second. She could not lose him again. Not now she had him so firmly in her grasp. What had been left of the alcohol had now disappeared from her system and had she not been so thoroughly upset by this whole day she might have perhaps woken up to reality a little sooner. As it was she was still reeling from the emotional backlash and for a little while longer Tam was safe to do as he pleased with her mind. Of course Maria was a selfish person and it would not take her long to realise that the person she was clinging to right now was not the one she craved.

Of course the way he acted would soon give himself up and even now with his question small alarm bells were ringing although they were so far back in her mind that for now she simply ignored them. Perhaps she just wanted to live the lie. To confess the sins that had haunted her from that very day. By doing so would she feel any better in herself? Or would the guilt crush her will to live? To admit so many things could be detrimental to her health and almost certainly would be for his for once she realised whom she was telling all of this to there would be hell to pay.

"I am alone," She mumbled as she turned to face him, "You did not just pass on...Do you not remember?" She questioned him, her mind still not grasping on to the truth just yet but also she wondered why he did not know how he had left this earth. "You were torn apart for loving me! My father could never forgive you for being a human pauper when I was rich, pure of blood and magnificent to behold...Your blood still stains my hands." She looked down at them as if to prove a point. "The stains will never be gone from my memory..." Clenching her hands into fists she now turned from him, her eyes closing as if she were trying to block those memories out although it would never work. She had tried countless times before now to rid herself of such things and yet she had never been able to. Did she truly want to forget the life she had had before this afterlife? Perhaps. Yet she could not stand to forget about the life she had been given with her thief, no matter how short a time it had been.

"I can never be happy that you lost your life because of me...and the sins I committed after that death can never be forgiven. Not by you or by God."

[THOMAS BELLAMY D'EATH]

His hand still clasped hers tightly as they sat together on the forest floor, and Tam listened with intrigue, nodding along, as if he knew every detail of her story and more. For there was more. He could sense it. But she was too far gone to give him everything, so random, emotional snippets were coming out. Those snippets were still juicy as hell, though! So she had fallen for a pauper and got him killed. And what was she saying to him not too long ago? That he was beneath her, in essence, that he would never be anything near as glorious as she was. That was what she thought of Tam, and he accepted it as arrogance, but now he knew otherwise.

Her words to him weren't out of spite or an inflated ego, her words were fuelled by fear. By tormented emotions. He touched a nerve with her, just by being in the same room. He reminded her, in some twisted sense, of the pauper she had loved and lost. He tried not to smile as that piece of the jigsaw fell in to place. But there was more to her tale. Tam wanted to know about the scars. He had seen them in great detail the night of his birthday, when Maria had let her guard down - physically at least - and let him get close to her. He had thought that maybe they were scars from battles she had fought over her many years as a vampire, but he didn't see why someone as delicate as Maria would have fought so harshly for anything in her spoiled life.

So there had to be another reason for them. Seizing the moment before she sobered up - Tam so wished he had more alcohol with him to feed her current state more - he brought his fingertips to her chin, lifting it so that her gaze was level with his. "If forgiveness is what you seek, I forgive you, my love," he whispered softly, voice soothing and serene as the night air around them. "I regret nothing. The time I got to spend with you was reward enough for a short life." His eyes locked steadily with hers, golden and glorious, pupils dilating as he pulled on his powers of compulsion. "Tell me about your other scars, Maria," he purred, moving the hand that held hers to her stomach to caress the ravaged skin there. "The physical ones." His eyes burned into hers, compulsion rolling off of him in waves as he tried to force her secrets from her. He didn't expect it to work, but in such a condition, she might just be susceptible to it.

[MARIA ISABELLA VALKIRIA]

He lifted her chin so their eyes were level and for a moment or two she lost herself in them. A small part of her screamed that these eyes were not the eyes of her Antonio but a larger part of her simply wanted to believe that it was her past love...Enough to bury that smaller part a little deeper for the time being but it was only the one of many things that the more sane part of her mind was telling her was wrong with this situation.

Had she not already been snapping out of her daze a little bit at a time or even if the alcohol was still within her system the compulsion he was trying to use against her might very well have worked. Even the strongest of wills could be broken if the power was used just enough but Maria had always been very resilient against such attacks for she was far too self absorbed to allow anyone the ability to gain control over her. Even in a weaker state of mind like this one would not allow her to be walked over! Not even someone she had mistaken for her lover.

Not that she really noticed the compulsion for what it was straight away of course. Indeed had it not been for the words he spoke after she might have told him everything he wanted to know. At least until he asked about the scars, his other hand moving to her stomach where her skin showed the marks of a very severe burn. Had he asked about the puckered mark on her chest she might very well have told him but to ask about something he knew about? No. Blinking slightly she stared back at him for a moment or two, a frown on her lips.

Antonio had known all about the incident concerning the maid dropping a candle down her mistress. He had been the one to tend her burnt skin when there was no one looking...He had been so furious with the maid she had thought he might very well kill the girl had she not been dismissed with no pay. Maria vaguely remembered someone telling her that the girl had died some months after, starving on the streets in the middle of a particularly freezing winter. How could he ask her where she had gotten it from after such a thing?

Another blink and just like that it was as if a veil had lifted from her eyes. She saw who was before her and what he was trying to do. Saw the position she had put herself in for being so weak as to remember a life long gone. A weakness she would now have to pay for. She would start with tearing his limbs from his torso.

A gutteral growl erupted from her throat as she twisted her body, moving swiftly and catching him off guard long enough to now be crouched over him, her right hand tight around his throat, her long nails digging into his skin as she tightened her grip. "How dare you!" Her voice came out in a furious hiss, her eyes black as coal and she was beautiful in her fury.

"You took advantage of my mistake in allowing weakness to rule me," The hiss turned into a dark growl, "A mistake I shall take great pleasure in fixing."